Realizations

Nice and nasty Ask em My sexuality dosent define me But I can get dirty Freak nasty Do things that you will only take  To your grave I will engrave my name  On your soul Without my touch  You will never be whole Mesmerize you With my piercing eyes Have you scream loud  But only on the inside I will own you Gestures will be made And you will comply I am a forbidden fruit  That cannot be denied Ive stretched the truth  But I aint ever lied  Granted Access  Every time  Even if I dont ask Which I normally dont Special invites cum I leave making em still want some The first time is never the another I am not a repeat offender  But I always got the lightning and the thunder   

Life has phases I know we all go through The hardest part is wining  Then losing what you worked for But you have to lose to gain Thats where that unsettling Pain that is not to be hidden from No matter how you try to cover it So many distractions Everything piles up Cant tell when enough is enough Just waking up get tough In a mind state of misconstruction Everything is everything and nothing is something There is always one thing How do I release Feeling trapped.... Until I started working on me  Pulled out the magnifying glass Turned it into a selfie stick Sat in the sun Let it burn a bit  So many layers  So many players So many things I could name them but    Im still sorting things Restoring things Replacing thing Erasing things is impossible But thats what removable storage is for Take it out my hard drive Put it in a box It will always be there  But in that box It will free me release another layer I am learning to breathe  I suffocate I ho...

Speak it Say it  Louder I cant hear you Scream it Stream it through you blood Understand it  Demand it Life Breathe it Feel it Reach for it Embrace it  Admire it Devour it In hale  Deeply  Love

Grounding I think I found it I think im finding me Dont care for the reality Of my flaws but I am well aware That they exist Naw aint nothing blissfully Gotta take the good with the bad And look fully I love my daughter But how can I be good for her If I aint good for me  Truthfully My ruthlessness Will ruin me internally Externally floating Do I revolt On do I sit quite  I wonder if she can tell That I will always fit in Sadly enough I woulda threw it all away for the sake of me Loving me 2018 The year of uncertainty On the side of giving up On me  2years later I am a different me White flag I think I guess im learning to be happy

Music playing Can I maintain Ive mastered the art of Hide and seek Hiding from my own shadow So I ask myself Whats my real Fear  Is it truly looking in the mirror Is it my silhouette  That makes me quiver With the thought of reality Looking hard and close Backing up from doing the most Teenage years so far away Summer love Is where my life started though Grew out of teen life a lifetime ago The year of  20s that was a ride In the beginning it was all jive I loved I learned I crashed I burned But that was a lifetime ago Sitting in my 30s  Still not feeling sturdy Guess I still have a lifetime to go So what does it really mean To see one next lifetime Do we create our lifetimes Or are they created Are our lifetimes within Or do we hesitate when one is outdated    

Up Late nights Are my time Down early mornings  When I sleep My life is no longer mine Time is no longer time My mind tries  Keeping up is not insight Feelings on Outta sight outta mine I get it now children change everything  Life can be blissful  Love is still my missile